Zombies vs. Unicorns
Edited by Holly Black and Justine Larbalestier
Publication Date: 9/21/10
Publisher: Brilliance Audio

Blurb(GR): It’s a question as old as time itself: which is better, the zombie or the unicorn? In this anthology, edited by Holly Black and Justine Larbalestier (unicorn and zombie, respectively), strong arguments are made for both sides in the form of short stories. Half of the stories portray the strengths–for good and evil–of unicorns and half show the good (and really, really bad-ass) side of zombies. Contributors include many bestselling teen authors, including Cassandra Clare, Libba Bray, Maureen Johnson, Meg Cabot, Scott Westerfeld, and Margo Lanagan. This anthology will have everyone asking: Team Zombie or Team Unicorn?

Review:

Beatles vs. Rolling Stones.  Cats vs. Dogs.  Coke vs. Pepsi.  Zombies vs….Unicorns?  Who knew?  Apparently this is the divisive question of our time.  And now, thanks to this anthology of stories, there’s a handy rubric for determining just how you should answer.

I listened to the audiobook, which was excellent.  Phil Gigante, who some of you may be more familiar with as the voice of Jericho Z. Barrons, delivers many an eargasm as master of ceremonies.  Holly Black and Justine Larbalestier provide their own rather nice voices for introductory/ back and forth banter at the beginning of each story, and the cast is pretty decent, with the major high point of Nick Podehl (aka, Todd Hewitt), and the major low point of Ellen Grafton (aka, Janie from Wake/Fade/Gone). 

My Score Card:

The Mediocre

The Highest Justice by Garth Nix
-Gruesome undead Queen with oozing pus and rotting limbs who just wants…a kiss:  +2 stars
-Murderous Unicorns: +2 stars
-I forget if this is supposed to be a unicorn story or a zombie story: -1 star
-I think the author probably had his unpaid intern write this: -1 star

A very boring, soporific start to the anthology.  2 stars

Purity Test by Naomi Novik
-A nice play on the unicorn/virgin mythology: +2 stars
-A heroine who’s homeless, tough, and realistic: +2 stars
-Ellen Grafton makes her sound like she’s a scrappy twelve year old: -1 star
-Sounds like something I would write in a bout of silliness in one afternoon, and I’m a horrible writer: -1 star

Forgettable and not very funny. 2 stars

Princess Prettypants by Meg Cabot
-A unicorn who farts rainbows but can also turn into a fiery-eyed vengeance demon when necessary: +2 stars
-A cute, enjoyable story that is also about as deep as a mud puddle: +0.5 stars

Sweet and funny, but barely scratches the surface of a premise that is actually pretty ripe with darker possibilities. 
2.5 stars

Cold Hands by Cassandra Clare
-Even Justine Larbelestier (the head of team zombie) can’t keep herself from using the phrase “emo zombies” when referring to this story: -1 star
-A weird mish-mash of Victorian England and present day America that makes no sense: -1 star
-Zombies that actually aren’t all that different from regular ol’ people: -1 star

A story about zombie civil rights…in the same way that Disney's The Little Mermaid is a movie about human civil rights. -3 stars

The Middling

Bougainvillea by Carrie Ryan
-Everything up to the ending: -1 star
-The ending: +4 stars

Teen angst, over-descriptive prose, and lust/love in the midst of a zombie apocalypse…which is all mostly redeemed by that fantastic ending. 3 stars

The Children of the Revolution by Maureen Johnson
-Angelina Jolie as a crunchy granola, immortality seeking weirdo +3 stars
-A narrator that’s likeable and amusingly clueless: +1 star
-Ellen Grafton makes her sound like she’s a scrappy twelve year old: -1 star

A genuinely hilarious mockery of globe-trotting celebrities, their crazy religions, and their scores of adopted children. 3 stars

Prom Night by Libba Bray
-Teenagers running society! +4 stars
-And they’re actually succeeding…there’s bartering, a police force, the prom…all the important things: -0.5 stars
-Boy serenades girl and it’s supposed to be sexy romantic: -0.5 stars

This feels more like an introduction to a novel than a short story.  It’s very classic Libba Bray, with a lot of sarcasm and bluster. I’m starting to realize that I’m not really a fan. 3 stars

Inoculata by Scott Westerfeld
-Half zombie teenagers inherit the earth! +3 stars
-Lonely, snarky, independent main character who also happens to be a lesbian: +0.5 stars

This one also feels more like an introduction to a series than a short story.  AND, it’s very classic Westerfeld, with a foursome of teenagers set apart by paranormal abilities and born into a frightening world.  My love for Scott Westerfeld is pretty much cemented by now so I would definitely read a full-length novel featuring these characters.  3.5 stars

The Masterful

Love Will Tear Us Apart by Alaya Dawn Johnson
-2nd person perspective used well: +1 star
-m/m zombie “romance”: +1 star
-The fact that I needed to use quotes in the above tally (because this isn’t the gushy, I will love you forever type
of romance): +1 star
-Nick Podehl has the most wonderful voice in the world: +1 star

A gritty, emotional tale that breathes new life into the old “I want you but I also want to kill you” story. 4 stars

The Third Virgin by Kathleen Duey
-A sort of Interview With the Unicorn: +1 star
-Creative twist on the unicorn healing mythology: +1.5 stars
-Nick Podehl puts on a very mediocre but adorable Welsh accent: +0.5 stars
-Use of the phrase “in a trice:” +0.5 stars

A very unique idea that also manages to sound incredibly familiar. 3.5 stars

The Care and Feeding of Your Baby Killer Unicorn by Diana Peterfreund
-Venomous, human-eating unicorns: +2 stars
-Thought-provoking religious and moral questioning: +1 star
-A boy named Eve: +0.5 stars
-Diana Peterfreund actually seems to know what a short story is: +1 star

This is one of my favorites of the anthology.  The main character’s incredible growth throughout the story is very moving.  The ending is a nice punch in the gut; I wouldn’t be surprised if Diana Peterfreund is an experienced short story author.  4.5 stars

A Thousand Flowers by Margo Lanagan
-Narration passed effortlessly between three points of view: +2 stars
-Nick Podehl puts on vaguely English accent: +0.5 star
-Beheadings, childbirth, suicide, and...unicorn love.  +2 stars
-Why do unicorns like virgins so much?  Oh.  OOOOOOH.  +1,000,000 stars

The most genuinely creepy and haunting story of the bunch.  Margo Lanagan somehow wrote a unicorn story that trumps every single zombie story in terms of genuine horror.  Zombies seem downright cuddly now. 1,000,004.5 stars

Perfect Musical Pairing

So let’s see.  My final score is…*drumroll*

Zombies:  13.5 stars
Unicorns:  1,000,014.5 stars

So that means the winner is…ALL OF US, because we get to bask in the genius that is America.
America – The Last Unicorn

Zombies vs. Unicorns
Editors: Holly Black and Justine Larbalestier
Publication Date: 9/21/10
Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry

Blurb (GR): It's a question as old as time itself: which is better, the zombie or the unicorn? In this anthology, edited by Holly Black and Justine Larbalestier (unicorn and zombie, respectively), strong arguments are made for both sides in the form of short stories. Half of the stories portray the strengths--for good and evil--of unicorns and half show the good (and really, really bad-ass) side of zombies. Contributors include many bestselling teen authors, including Cassandra Clare, Libba Bray, Maureen Johnson, Meg Cabot, Scott Westerfeld, and Margo Lanagan. This anthology will have everyone asking: Team Zombie or Team Unicorn?

Review:
__And the winner is...


TEAM ZOMBIES!

Frankly, I have no interest in zombies and unicorns, I just don't, and especially in unicorns. But I was induced to give this anthology a chance mostly by many of my GR friends' positive reviews. They didn't let me down. Unlike almost all multi-author collections, this one is very strong.

The zombie stories are almost consistently very good. The weakest, expectedly, is Cassandra Clare's necrophilic Cold Hands. Not only is it written poorly, but it has a fundamental flaw in logic - why aren't bodies of the deceased simply burned? Wouldn't that stop all the town's problems?

The rest of the stories are great though.

Alaya Dawn Johnson managed to convince me zombies can be sexually attractive (that's a first!) in her Love Will Tear Us Apart, points added for boy/boy love story, points taken away for crassness and excessive use of the f-word.

Carrie Ryan's Bougainville is a million times better than the only novel of hers I've read (The Forest of Hands and Teeth). Great survival story with a twisty ending, no nauseating love triangles and quadrangles and the heroine is actually likable.

The Children of the Revolution by Maureen Johnson is about creepy zombie kiddies and a freaky celebrity.

Scott Westerfeld's Inoculata left me yearning for more. The whole idea of people mutating to co-exist with zombies is fascinating. There is also some girl on girl action.

The most bleak story is saved for the end. Libba Bray's teen survivors don't have much to look forward to after Prom Night is over.

Ironically, both my most and least favorite stories are about unicorns. Garth Nix's The Highest Justice and Naomi Novik's Purity Test are half-baked creations that they probably threw together in minutes. Nothing original or exciting about them.

Meg Cabot's Princess Prettypants, as you can expect from the title, is a pure silliness and fluff, but the writing is very engaging and I have a soft spot for Meg's characters.

The Care and Feeding of Your Baby Killer Unicorn definitely needs a better title, but the unicorn in this story is super-cute in spite of having sharp teeth and being carnivorous. Maybe I should give Diana Peterfreund's novels a try?

And finally, the best! The unicorn in Kathleen Duey's The Third Virgin is a hardcore addict! And Margo Lanagan's A Thousand Flowers is full of deliciously gory stuff like rape, bestiality, murder and child birth. Only fans of Tender Morsels should proceed with this one.

So yay for creepy unicorns as well!

(This one is up to no good)