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YA Review: Before You Go by James Preller

7/6/2012

20 Comments

 
Before You Go cover
Before You Go
Author: James Preller
Publication Date: 7/17/12
Publisher: Feiwel & Friends
[Goodreads|Amazon]


Blurb(GR): The summer before his senior year, Jude (yes, he’s named after the Beatles song) gets his first job, falls in love for the first time, and starts to break away from his parents. Jude’s house is kept dark, and no one talks much—it’s been that way since his little sister drowned in a swimming pool seven years ago when Jude was supposed to be watching her.

Now, Jude is finally, finally starting to live. Really live. And then, life spins out of control. Again. 

Acclaimed author James Preller explores life, death, love, faith, and resilience in his first young adult novel that will grip readers from the book’s dramatic first few pages to its emotional end.


Review: 

This is one of the worst books I’ve ever read, but I say that with a bit of affection. I finished this in one evening, because it was just…riveting. I couldn’t look away! It was like this crazy mixture of horrible writing, cardboard characters, dialogue from another planet, consistency problems, and semi-poetic gibberish that all somehow combined into a slurry of pure magic. I think this phenomenon is best described by the source material itself:

“For Jude, it was like watching and enjoying a terrible movie. He loved seeing those movies with Corey, and together they spent giddy hours snorting over the best-worst movies of all time. Classics such as Roadhouse, Anaconda, The Beastmaster, and the all-time best worst, Plan 9 From Outer Space. The thing was, you absolutely had to know it was bad – that’s what put the fun in the funny. But if someone like liked it without irony: Yikes, that was plain scary.”

Scary indeed.  (Also, seriously Jude?  Beastmaster?  That’s just a classic!) Thankfully I do not “like like” this book, so I think I’m okay.

I did, however, learn a great deal here.  Or I would have if I were an alien pod person just visiting Earth for the first time.  In fact I would say that this book reads quite a lot like an instruction manual on teenagers and pop-culture, as written by an alien pod person.  And it really is every bit as awesome as that sounds.  There’s this sort of adorable need to explain each and every pop culture reference throughout the book.  For example, I learned all about the various rules and procedures of this thing that boys do called “calling shotgun” in the two page description the author so helpfully provides.  And, did you know that the word “frak” actually comes from a show called Battlestar Galactica?  And that there was once a popular SNL sketch featuring Christopher Walken and a cow bell?  Did you know that Donnie Darko is a “first rate cult classic”?  Did you know about the popularity of Chuck Norris jokes? The Big Lebowski? Austin Powers?  Did you know that there was a highly “underrated” band in the 80’s and 90’s called The Cure?

Get right outta town!

This book also has some hilariously just-wrong-enough-to-sound-incredibly-weird “modern” teenage slang (unless I’ve just been out of the loop for too long):

“You getting your bronze on?”
“Go friend her….  Go click on the like button.”
(about talking to a person in real life)
“he’s power-trippin’”
“carny tang”
“I’m starverated”
“about as scary as a cucumber sandwich”
“it never went viral”
(about a nickname’s popularity in his high school)
“Almost two thousand balloons,” Becka said.  “My parents are willing to go halfsies.”
“…greeted each other like long-lost Ping-Pong partners.”
“so tacky it rocked the house”
“wearing shorts and some kind of spaghetti-string top”
“…cute as all get-go.”
“Jude was sure that half the crowd was buzzed on something, tripping the light fantastic.”
“freak-tarded”

So okay, this book is pretty informative, but what is it about (I hear you say)? Well, the short answer is: I have no idea. And the long answer is that it’s about Jude, who is having a pretty rough time. His sister died in a tragic drowning accident, and his life has never been the same. His dad neglects him by asking him to go out running but then insisting that he wear shoes and time himself. His mom neglects him by keeping their home dark, killing their plants (they have to get a plastic Christmas tree!!), and leaving him to cook his own meals from their well-stocked refrigerator. He’s passing all of his classes, hates the taste of beer, is mildly afraid of girls, and dislikes the “leering, crude, funny, sex-obsessed” talk of his peers. He’s a master guitar player who almost never plays or practices. And he’s just gotten his first job at a beach concession stand. Can he learn to throw off all of his obvious ennui and live, damn it, live?

Yes, as it turns out – he can. And the instrument of this change is of course, a girl. A quirky, “singular” girl with possibly a few “exotic…Mediterranean roots in her family tree.” A girl who blows his mind with her unique views on life and her profound words:

“Becka shifted and lay on her back, resting her head in Jude’s lap. Looking skyward, she observed, ‘It’s a tie-dye sky.’  Jude laughed.  Only Becka could see the world that way.”

Oh, you.

“I always think of the earth as a round ball, just spinning in space,’ Becka said. ‘Close your eyes.  Can you feel it?”

Gosh, this is such a coincidence, because I always think of it that way too. Huh.

“’It’s a miracle we don’t fly away,’ Becka said, her voice a whisper.  ‘The earth spinning around and around – you’d think we’d all just fall off.’”

A miracle!!

“They say each star is a soul looking down on us.”

I know they say some other things about stars…like that they’re giant masses of…something or other, but eh this sounds better.

“’When you cry,’ she said, ‘I taste salt.’”

Dude, are you licking my face right now?  Or have my tears somehow… vaporized and floated over to your… mouth?  Either way it’s super weird.

“My mother says that people don’t have souls; we are souls.”

I think your mom’s been plagiarizing C.S. Lewis.

But wait – that’s not all! This book also has an amaaaaazing sense of humor. Observe:

“’He was up all night, calling Ralph on the big white telephone!’  That got a laugh from everyone.”

Barf humor really is pure gold.

“’Anyone need anything?’
‘Curly Fries,’ Jude said.
‘I’ll take the redhead on lane six’, Corey ordered.
'To go!’”

Ha…

“After a poor shot from Jude that left pins at each end, Roberto announced, ‘Hey, split happens.’”

Who doesn’t love a little wordplay?

“Daphne was next, a pale small blonde with bee-stung lips and dark bags under her eyes. She was either sick, undernourished, or a future runway model. Roberto had already joked that he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to bang Daphne or rush her to the emergency room. Which was pretty funny if you asked Jude.”

Gosh, thin girls are so funny!!! Should we seduce them or force them to seek medical help? It’s a laugh riot of confusion!

But wait (seriously) – there’s more. If this were an infomercial, we’d be past the 50% discount and onto the free knife set. Only in this case, it would be a free thesaurus because this book is like a synonym gold-mine. For a single word. Because these characters are super fancy and they don’t like to just “say” things (how boring!). Instead we get:  explained, agreed, asked, argued, joked, enthused, announced, lamented, instructed, urged, advised, exclaimed, replied, yelled, opined, corrected, complained,  cracked, and solemnly intoned.

And not only that, there is some seriously fancy writing in here.  Witness:

“Gladness flickered on Becka’s face, like wind in the trees.”

I’m picturing her face flashing from glad to blank…glad-blank…glad-blankglad-blankgladblank.

“The idea was not to think or feel, just go dull and dim like a mushroom in the rain.”

Like a…mushroom…in the rain. I think that one speaks for itself. (Seriously, is that a thing that I just don't know about?  Do mushrooms go dull in the rain?)

“Lily was dead and that was that, no other way to skin the cat, yet she came to his mind every day. A visitor, a neighbor ringing the bell. Here to borrow a cup of sugar? Or with some other intent?”

I hate it when my dead sister stops by my head to borrow a cup of sugar.

“The cage that protected his inner organs – kidney, liver, heart – had failed to protect him. The music stirred something in his plum heart, some desolate place the words could not reach, and the bird had flown. He thought how one day he might write a song and use that same organ sound, figured on the spot how to transcribe the notes to guitar. The heart too was an organ. A pumping mass of muscle. It would be a song without words, emotion in each note’s fuzz and intonation, the struck chord glimmering like a sun-blazoned ocean, like explosions in the sky, and he’d call the tune ‘My Sweet Zombie Boy.’”

I honestly have no idea what this means. It’s a mystery…and therein lies its brilliance.

There were even a few moments at the end when I was 90% convinced that this was going to suddenly, out of the blue become a Christian novel  but sadly it never quite made it there. That really would have been the icing on the cake.

Perfect Musical Pairing
Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart, and Sting - All For Love

I know that I just snarked all over this book, but it was actually an unintentionally (?) fun read.  It reminds me so much of this song (and its amazing video).  No doubt that this is one of the worst songs in the entire history of time, and yet it never fails to get stuck right in my head.  I love the whole opening – where Sting, Rod Stewart, and Bryan Adams are just hangin’ out…just joking around in their carefully constructed outfits and hair…justa coupla guys.  And the lyrics are just so perfect – nonsensical and cliché (I’m looking right at you, Mr. Adams).  I love the ridiculously dramatic poses that they all throw out while singing – like they just can’t contain these feelings.  (And I wonder if Rod Stewart managed to throw out his back as well with one of those – you aren’t exactly in a boy band, guys.  Take it down a notch.)  This song is the epitome of “so bad it’s good.”

1/5 Stars

Readventurer C Signature
20 Comments
Maja
7/6/2012 02:00:33 am

You are a brave, brave woman, Catie! I must have started this about a hundred times, and I just can't make it past the first 10%! you thought the whole thing was unintentionally funny, but for some reason, it made me very uncomfortable.
The book is not completely useless, though. These quotes and your comments totally made my day. As for the rest... I think I'll just decline.
Hilarious review, Catie!

Reply
Catie (The Readventurer) link
7/6/2012 08:55:03 am

Really? Yeah, I guess I can see uncomfortable, actually. Everything is just trying too hard and is also just...not...realistic in any way. Now I really want to know what it was about this that turned you off! Email me with the details if you want.

Reply
Liana
7/6/2012 02:12:36 am

lmao best review I've read in a while!

Reply
Catie (The Readventurer) link
7/6/2012 08:56:32 am

Thanks!

Reply
Anna link
7/6/2012 06:17:34 am

Catie, you just made my evening. It's astonishing how underrated The Cure are - surely their lack of success was THE musical crime of the 20th century. I'm sure Robert Smith and his pots of cash will agree.
My face is a picture of gladness after reading your review :)

Reply
Catie (The Readventurer) link
7/6/2012 09:00:27 am

Haha, yes. Thankfully, this book is here to right that wrong. The Cure will finally get the recognition it deserves!!

Is the gladness flickering across your face like wind in the trees? It is, isn't it. That's not a question.

Reply
Andrea link
7/6/2012 10:04:50 am

Hm - this "The heart too was an organ. A pumping mass of muscle. " immediately made me think of the song linked below. But Tex does it so much better...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmeiqwI6Ejk

Reply
Catie (The Readventurer) link
7/9/2012 05:13:58 am

Haha, that was awesome Andrea!

Reply
VeganYANerds link
7/6/2012 02:01:45 pm

HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY

I laughed so many times while reading this, especially at the mushrooms and the dead sister returning to his head. I thought this was on my to-read list but it's not and I don't think I'll add it but I so enjoyed your review.

Also, I really like Rod Stewart but that song is so cheesy and it always gets stuck in my head too!

Reply
Catie (The Readventurer) link
7/9/2012 05:15:50 am

Thanks Mandee! I don't think you'd like this one. And yes, that song and many of the Bryan Adams classics always get stuck in my head. The man knows what he's doing.

Reply
Jasprit link
7/6/2012 11:50:16 pm

Oh gosh this sounds like a big train wreck waiting to happen, you a seriously one strong woman to stick it through the entire book! Thanks for saving us from this book, the quotes have had me laughing non-stop! Awesome review Catie! :)

Reply
Catie (The Readventurer) link
7/9/2012 05:16:34 am

Thanks Jasprit!

Reply
April Books & Wine link
7/7/2012 10:36:22 am

Okay, I was cracking up the whole time reading this and now feel really generous with the stars (3 on goodreads) I gave Before I Go, although I did read this during a weekend readathon, so lowered defenses?

I will say that I thought some of the book had this sort of literary pretentiousness, like it sounded like it was trying really hard to be literary and while I enjoy literary, sometimes it just doesn't work.

And also? Your responses to the various quotes? PRICELESS.

Reply
Catie (The Readventurer) link
7/9/2012 05:18:06 am

Thanks April! Haha, yes I can definitely see that. It's just funny because, when you step back and try to parse some of the "literary" passages...they don't many any sense! At least to me they didn't.

Reply
Rachel link
7/7/2012 03:43:49 pm

One of the funniest reviews I've read, Catie. I have no idea how you got through this book.

Reply
Catie (The Readventurer) link
7/9/2012 05:19:26 am

Thanks Rachel!

Reply
Lauren @GimmeMoreBooks link
7/8/2012 12:02:41 am

First of all, THANK YOU for posting that video. You just gave me awesome flashbacks and a pretty major giggle fit. I love how Sting is all...I'm so glad I'm holding this guitar b/c they are having some major bro time over there.

Your review is too funny and you had me cracking up. But I would say that "going viral" and "halfsies" are legit slang. "Tripping the light fantastic"? that is like straight out of the 70s so unless the character was using it that way, it's a bit outdated. I loved your reactions to the quotes. I very much doubt I'll read this so I'm glad I was able to get my fill from your review. Thanks!

Reply
Catie (The Readventurer) link
7/9/2012 05:22:18 am

"bro time" - AWESOME. That completely made me snort. And is "going viral" really a thing? Like...for stuff in real life? I guess I learn something new every day! "Halfsies" I have heard about...but more from my thirty year old friends. Not sure I've ever heard that from a teen. And the other part of that quote - "balloons" = dollars - I've never heard before. The things I had heard before just seemed way too quaint to be coming out of the mouth of a teenage boy. Hilarious stuff.

Reply
Heidi link
7/14/2012 02:50:02 pm

Catie, I have never laughed out loud so hard or so much while reading a book review EVER. I read portions of it aloud to my bf. Seriously, I almost feel like I must read this book because it sounds so amazingly bad. Like All For Love, which yes, is so so bad it's good (and will now be in my head for the next week-I will sing it to you on Tuesday, you're welcome).

Reply
Maggie, Young Adult Anonymous link
7/16/2012 06:02:08 am

Can you taste the salt? Because I'm crying laughing from this review. Feel free to lick my face to confirm.

Reply



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