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Three Heads Are Better Than One (Or Two): Our Book Dealbreakers

6/13/2012

25 Comments

 
Readventurer Three Heads Are Better Than One or Two
The three of us consume hundreds of reviews and blurbs every single week for books that we haven't read. And our respective to-be-read lists, when placed end to end, could probably reach from  the Earth to the Moon. And back. Our lists are long enough - we definitely don't need to be adding something that we know we'll hate. But how do we know?

Experience has taught us that there are certain topics that will just never appeal to us. These are our "dealbreakers" - those certain words or phrases that stand out in blurbs or reviews and cause us to run in the other direction.  Of course, none of these are hard or fast rules, but when navigating the thousands of books published each year, it pays to be a little judgmental!

Sarah from Clear Eyes, Full Shelves inspired this post in part with her excellent List-O-Rama!

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Half-assed world building

I know that not everyone is like this, but I love world-building – the more inventive and detailed the better. I grew up reading The Hobbit about once a year and then of course I became a massive Lord of the Rings fan.  So you know… I have certain standards. A map on the opening pages, several made-up races and languages, completely original magic systems – these are all things that I relish. I want to be surprised. I want to experience a world that I could have never even imagined. So, (and this is especially true recently) when I run across the same old historical European setting and the same old magic systems and the same old black and white good vs. evil struggle…meh. 

“Heartwarming tales”

I know this is a major stereotype that I have, but I can’t help it. Experience has proven that for me, “heartwarming tale” = schmaltzy unrealistic corn-fest. I just don’t like anything that’s too…happy. And I hardly ever read to escape. I don’t know if this means I’m a rigid stick in the mud or what, but I really like my books to feel like reality. And for me that means they can’t be too happy. 

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Forbidden Love ­+ YA

= No. I just can’t handle it anymore. I can’t handle whatever crazy-ass excuse (different classes, different species, he’s a murderer, he’s a sociopath, he’s a stalker but he’s oh so HOT anyway…) will be used to keep the love interests apart. And even MORE than that, I definitely can’t handle the stupid justifications that will be used to actually bring them together. You know what?  If there’s a hot guy who might murder you someday…maybe you just shouldn’t, okay? Can we all just agree on that?

Dogs as narrators

I do fully intend to read Jack London’s books someday, but otherwise the story of the family dog holds almost zero appeal for me. I am a cat person through and through. Books that purportedly contain a “heartwarming tale” and a dog narrator have less than zero appeal. And if I ever come across “the heartwarming tail of the family dog” on a book shelf somewhere I can’t promise that I won’t barf.

The problems of rich white people in boarding school/prep school

Yawn. 

Wedding planning angst

I didn't even angst about my own wedding plans - why would I want to read about someone else worrying for pages on end about which color of jordan almonds to serve?

The funny thing is, now that I've finished this list I can think of several exceptions to these dealbreakers. But I guess that's why I'm so thankful to have so many great reviewer friends: only you trusted people can convince me to break these rules.

Readventurer T Signature
This might not be the best time for me to approach this particular topic, seeing that I am still in a deep reading slump and just about everything is a dealbreaker for me at the moment. Grief, death, "strong" heroines, high fantasies with the same plots, road trips, nonsensical dystopias, love triangles, cancer, comparisons to Sarah Dessen  or Judy Blume - you name it, I probably just abandoned a book with one of those elements. I won't lie, I am extremely weary of YA books right now (thank you very much, crappy ARCs!). BUT, there are still some things that have been grating on my nerves for years and I am going to lay them out for you.
incest books
INCEST (real or pseudo) used as a romantic element

This is a #1 dealbreaker for me. It's not that I am not morbidly interested in this topic, in general. Believe me, I am. Ian McEwan's The Cement Garden and Jeffrey Eugenides' Middlesex enthralled me. It's just as a romantic trope incest is full of fail. Contrary to how authors like Charlaine Harris and Mira Grant write about it, with heroines calling their lovers brothers while having sex with them (even if their brothers are not strictly biological), the issue of incest is complex and psychologically damaging. There has to be something unsettling and disturbing in a relationship between a man and a woman who have been raised since their infancy as siblings, for them to be able to cross that line and become full fledged lovers. There has to be some isolation, abuse, etc. involved. Incest is a taboo for a reason. Most people would feel sick at the idea of themselves sleeping with their siblings. They also, unlike characters in Cassandra Clare's The Mortal Instruments books, would probably feel sick if they find out that people they've been making out with, are their brother/sister.

Let me make it clear - incest is not a smart tool for creating romantic wangst! Authors shouldn't exploit this issue if they are not equipped to address all psychological, social and emotional implications and consequences of it.

And speaking of wangst...

angsty books
Extreme angstiness

Now, this one is different for every reader. Each reader, I believe, has a certain level of angst that he/she is ready to handle.

I like thoughtful novels about suffering characters just like any other person. Sara Zarr's Story of a Girl I am reading right now has just the right amount of depressing angst, IMO. But a bit more than that, if the characters start throwing themselves around and cry and whine and contemplate suicide and wallow in self-pity in the most obvious and obnoxious way, like they do in Jennifer Donnely's Revolution, Jandy Nelson's The Sky is Everywhere or David Levithan's Every You, Every Me, I am immediately out.

Subtlety is key here. I don't need the characters to constantly voice their suicidal intentions to know their pain. You remember show-not-tell rule? The characters' pain should be shown through their actions, not their sad, sad monologues.

pregnancy cover
Pregnancy

Now, maybe I am not a proper woman or something, but I just can't handle stories, both adult and YA, about pregnancies and child rearing, cute babies and whatnot. (Too much 16 and Pregnant watching possibly?) Maybe if I have my own I will change my mind, but as of now, I stay away.

However, I did manage to read a couple of YA books about teen pregnancies that didn't turn me off for some reason - How to Save a Life and Impossible. Why? Talented authors? Non-nauseating handling of the topic? I honestly don't know.

wrong gender pov books
Books written by female writers from male POVs and books written by male writers from female POVs

I am not saying that it is impossible to get the opposite gender's voice right, but from my experience, most writers, especially when it comes to YA or genre fiction, can't do it effectively. More often then not you end up with female characters constantly thinking and talking about penises and males ones with lust-less, chaste thoughts, who describe their girlfriends' dresses' in minute detail and constantly quote poetry.

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What I often feel is that when a male author writes from a girl's/woman's POV, he tries to get into the market by pandering to the female audience. And if a woman writes from a guy's POV, this guy's perspective is of a fantasy, wish-fulfillment kind. 

Quilts, knitting, patchworking, macrame, scrapbooking, book clubs

I am saving these for when I am in my 70s.

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Forest of Hands and Teeth cover
"I'm in the future! Who cares how we got here!"

Remember when we fast forwarded a hundred years and suddenly we were back to pagan rituals? No? Remember how annoying the movie The Village was with its ridiculously stupid plot twist? I definitely do. If you're going to set your book anywhere that is recognizable as earth, please, please explain to me how we got to that point. And I don't think I'm asking too much to request that your explanation make logical sense. If there are some weapons around, where are the others? Don't invent a disease that somehow only affects redheaded twelve-year-olds. I'm getting pretty sick of the "mysterious plague that wipes out nearly the entire population of earth" story.  

Island of Flowers cover
This could all be solved with one conversation

I admit that I can't know about this dealbreaker until it drives me absolutely bonkers after starting. If you have a character who is repeatedly getting into awkward situations, having misunderstandings, being walked all over, harboring a vital secret...well, just don't do it. Unless you are somehow writing the equivalent of a comedy of confusion and mistaken identity, you are going to drive me up the wall. This seems to happen a lot in romance novels. "Oh, I'm a secret millionaire but I'm going to let you go ahead and think that I'm homeless and that you're giving me a leg up, even if that means embarrassing yourself in front of your peers, my family, and everyone you know. We'll all have a laugh about this later!" (I made this storyline up)

Religious Fiction

I once saw a thread on Amazon about how Christian fiction should be marked as such and many parties were getting really heated about it. I am sure that some of it is probably good. I may even like some of it if I gave it a try, but I'm not going to. In the same way that I'm sure many readers would say they want to read "clean" books, I feel an aversion to any books that leave out what I see as realistic progressions of relationships (to me) or books with a heavy-handed message. I'm sure not all religious fiction has either of these two elements. Nevertheless, not for me. 

Half-assed drawn dealbreaker book tropes
Ghosts, mermaids, fairies, angels, vampires

Sure, there are exceptions to these (as there are to all of our dealbreakers) but I am sick of these subgenres. When I see any of these topics mentioned in a blurb, it drops down to the bottom of my to-read list (or more likely falls off it altogether.) I almost added "teenager solving crimes"  to my list but then I remembered how much I enjoyed I Hunt Killers and A Pocketful of Eyes and I had to retract that statement. I think that last dealbreaker is more of a "played-out idea that is rarely done well." Hmmm, I think there are a ton of books that fall into that category.

mistral's kiss
Upfront Orgies

That should be a band name. Anyway, this one's a direct result of my first and only attempt to read from Laurell K. Hamilton's Merry Gentry series. There was a free Kindle book on Amazon so I snatched it up and started reading...and had to put it down after less than a chapter because there was already an orgy happening with several different magical beings. Which brings me to my next dealbreaker...

The Female Main Character Who Is Irresistible To Everyone with a Penis

Yeah, that's right Sookie Stackhouse, I'm talking to you. I bet all the ladies of Louisiana want you outta there. But seriously, I'd like to believe that guys have varied taste. It is unbelievable (and annoying) when a character in a book gets with every dude around. 

Other dealbreakers for me include some that Tatiana and Catie already mentioned. I won't read any culinary  or crafty mysteries, anything narrated by an animal, any books with lots of ridiculous character names, anything by Ann Coulter/Bill O'Reilly/Glenn Beck and their ilk, about main characters who are highly skilled at everything but never develop those skills or train in any way, and most importantly, I try not to read anything that's boring. (I have to thank Nomes at Inkcrush for having a conversation with me about dealbreakers and saying that "boredom is a dealbreaker" and making me laugh.)

And now we want to hear from all of you! What are the key phrases and topics that help you decide what you don't want to read? Stop by and chat with us.
25 Comments
Catie (The Readventurer) link
6/12/2012 11:13:38 pm

You guys cracked me up this morning. Tatiana, I laughed so hard at "I am saving these for when I am in my seventies." Flannery, I completely agree with you about hiding important info for little to no logical reason. Although...I DO love Sophie Kinsella and I think that's like her bread and butter so that's probably not a dealbreaker for me. The irresistible heroine has got to go, though. Talk about wish fulfillment...only, I think it's the kind of thing that nobody would actually want in real life.

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Tatiana (The Readventurer) link
6/13/2012 04:46:28 am

BIG MISUNDERSTANDING is the reason why I no longer read romances. I want to like them, but there is always some lame reason why the MCs can't get together. I just don't understand why every romance has to be plotted around it.

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Catie (The Readventurer) link
6/13/2012 10:06:44 am

It's probably because, if the lovers had real problems, they wouldn't be able to get together and live blissfully ever after in the span of 300 pages. Superficial problems only. ;)

Jasprit link
6/13/2012 01:33:55 am

I can't deal with all male characters falling for the same girl either a.k.a Sookie Stackhouse that girl is seriously doing my nut in! I also can't deal with whiny mc's anymore either that expect the guy to do everything for them, I like my mc's badass and that can kick butt all by themselves! I have also become wary of forbidden love like Catie, especially when the girl has no clue what the "mysterious" male is but she's still drawn to him and he ends up being a vampire or werewolf!

I absolutely love this post you guys do, I think this has to be my favourite topic yet! :)

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Lauren DeLaCruz link
6/13/2012 01:37:19 am

I'm glad you mentioned the incest as a romantic trope. Yes it is an interesting topic to delve into...The Cement Garden is an excellent book and a great example of how it can be used well. But for authors to use it so lightly, yet seriously (the difference between Clary and Jace from the Mortal Instruments and Maeby and George Michael in Arrested Development) is something that bothers me too. Having said that, I thought it was used in an interesting, thoughtful way in Madapple (that is, it was not taken lightly).

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Tatiana (The Readventurer) link
6/13/2012 04:47:43 am

I totally agree about Madapple. It wasn't just thrown into the story. It all was weird and incest fir right in:)

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Maja link
6/13/2012 02:19:25 am

These days, I see the words 'forbidden love' in a synopsis or a review, and I just rin the other way as fast as I can. I just finished a book about an Iraqi girl that falls for an American soldier and it kind of made my head hurt. I mean, they stopped talking to her and someone almost ran her over with a car because she refused to cover her head (which she later did, duh), but then she turned around and fell in love with an American soldier? Right.

Anyway, Flann, we should totally start a band, Upfront Orgies is just too good a name to let it go to waste. It should be used, and we WILL be famous, baby. Also, someone is totally going to steal your homeless person idea and write a bestseller.

Whiny heroines are my biggest dealbreaker. As soon as a heroine starts feeling sorry for herself, I'm out. Also, faulty and incomplete worldbuilding. And dogs as narrators, hahah.

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Kendra link
6/13/2012 03:49:27 am

Agree with so many of these! If you can't world built, don't write something that requires it. Incest is not cute and the recent trend is super....yeah. Especially when made as a weird romantic obstacle (Mortal Instruments, I'm looking in your direction)

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Bonnie Regan link
6/13/2012 05:32:41 am

hahaha! This was so great and I agree with all 3 of you. My book deal breakers would be: half-assed world building, forbidden love + YA, books written by male writers from female POVs and vice versa, and religious fiction.
Half-assed world building would have to be at the very top though... honestly, I don't understand why an author would create some super cool world but not take the time to explain it.
Also agree with how Christian fiction lacks in realism and have ended up in various arguments regarding why I refuse to read anything of the sort. But truly, they're really just lacking.
Great post guys. :)

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Anna link
6/13/2012 06:13:23 am

I waiting for one of you to mention the CLASSIC MISUNDERSTANDING. This is my pet irritation. When one character is withholding some information for no apparent reason, I'm like 'just tell them, TELL THEM and then this awful book will be over'
Now somebody will come along and write an amazing book about a quilting, incestuous dog with a penchant for upfront orgies and a wedding to plan and prove us all wrong :)

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Catie (The Readventurer) link
6/13/2012 10:09:56 am

Hahahaha, thanks for that Anna. Now all I need is for Fido the incestuous quilter to be enrolled in a very poorly described magical boarding school for rich kids and I'll be all in.

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Reynje
6/13/2012 09:33:10 am

Thank you for this! You've covered most of my book dealbreakers - and much more hilariously than I ever could. I'm relieved that I'm not the only person who has no tolerance for dog books :)

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Leanne @The Reclusive Reader link
6/13/2012 12:27:13 pm

Catie, I completely agree with you about "half-assed fantasy" (I smirked at reading the title!) Once I begin reading a novel with crappy world-building, everything else in the book falls apart for me. And oh, the forbidden romances! The most common one: 'I couldn't possibly fall in lurve with him because he is too dangerous...' Ugh! Tatiana, I also hate it when incest is used as a ploy to create romantic relationships! I always feel cheated or manipulated by the author, hence I stay away from those types of books as much as possible. And Flannery, my dealbreaker is also 'female is irresistable to everyone with a penis but SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT'. (And couldn't possibly understand what everyone sees in her.)

Anyways, brilliant post ladies! Not that I expected anything less from you. ;)

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Heidi link
6/13/2012 12:39:16 pm

Upfront Orgies is the name of my L7 cover band.

Love this post ladies! It made me laugh in quite a few places. Seriously. Like dog narrators, pregnancy, and I'm in the future! I'm developing a lot of these myself. I mean, I haven't even read a single mermaid book, and I'm already sick of them. Let's see if I manage to make it through Fathomless and/or Monstrous Beauty, both of which I have ARCs of.

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Tatiana (The Readventurer) link
6/14/2012 12:53:03 am

Heidi, I share your feelings about the mermaid books. I haven't read even one, and yet I am sick of them already:)

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Andrea link
6/13/2012 07:34:42 pm

I agree with way too many of these, but worldbuilding fail is a major one for me. If I don't believe the world, I'm going to struggle to focus on the story/characters. Pointless love triangles, or stories where saving the world takes the back seat to ogling...

Er, Flann, is a mermaid called Rover okay? Otherwise, there's a chapter of AAtS you need to skip...

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Missie, The Unread Reader link
6/14/2012 07:25:04 am

LMAO!

I love this post so much. I just want to hug it. I think I've tried every kind of book on this list, and I definitely have to agree. (though I'm not writing off vampires just yet).

Another huge deal breaker for me are books about grown women who have yet to give up their V-card. Galla once made a comment about how there are more virgins in 21 century literature than there are in the entire history of the world. I definitely couldn't stomach another story about a 24 year old and her most perfect first time experience.

And, I remember reading Forbidden (the incest one) and wondering who the heck the story was supposed to be for.

I'd totally be a fangirl of Upfront Orgies.

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Catie (The Readventurer) link
6/14/2012 08:18:24 am

Oh, I only wish that I had thought of that one Missie because I HATE that too! Not only the virginal 27 year olds, but the virginal 27 year olds who have never thought about sex in their entire lives. :-| Until the right man comes along, of course. UGH. Don't want to ever read that again.

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Tatiana (The Readventurer) link
6/14/2012 08:30:15 am

And this right man is the hottest man on the block, of course...

VeganYANerds link
6/14/2012 08:49:42 am

I was nodding to so many of the themes you all listed, so many of them should be banned. My no-no list: forbidden love +YA, mermaids, lack of communication (this really gets me) and so many others.

This post was highly entertaining! :)

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Maggie, Young Adult Anonymous link
6/14/2012 07:48:46 pm

Catie: Dogs as narrators. LMAO!! And forbidden love now apparently equals... siblings?! I'll take the hot murderer, thanks. I just wrote on another blog post that The Hobbit was like torture for me. I just couldn't get through it and had to fake my way through my English essay.

Tatiana: Thank you. Incest... WTF?? And I was just wondering what you'd think about One Day so I went on goodreads and you gave it one star. LMAO!

Flannery: Some of us were scared while watching The Village!! Haha. But yeah, boooo overall. I'm pretty sure your secret millionaire storyline has been used in at least 5 Korean dramas this year. You didn't have UNICORNS on your list. Score!

I'm gonna go with Nomes -- boredom is definitely my dealbreaker. :) Actually, that's a lie. I've read some fucking boring books that I ended up giving 3 stars, but they were agonizing reads. Tatiana, I think you may be in a rut until Quintana comes out.

Oh, I thought of something. I don't like characters who only say replacement swear words. What the fuck kind of bullshit is that?

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Tatiana (The Readventurer) link
6/14/2012 10:33:26 pm

Maggie, are you saying there was incest in One Day that I missed?!

The only books that interrupt my lengthy reading slump at the moment are my old faves. Everything new is just torture:(

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Maggie, Young Adult Anonymous link
6/20/2012 06:26:15 pm

Oh whoops. All my thoughts just ran together. Nope, no incest in One Day... although that would've added something to the plot.

Ali (Ginger-Read) link
6/15/2012 07:19:49 am

Feed has incest? Really?? It's on my TBR but I am reading (and by that I mean giving up on) a book right now that was going well until the incest popped up. Is this some new fad for writers?

Ugh, gross. I have a brother and I barely want to hug him ~ let alone anything else. Sick nasty!

I will say it didn't bother me so much in Clare's TMI but only because I felt like nobody really believed they were brother and sister anyway ( I know I didn't) and at least there was no actual sex.

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Chachic link
6/16/2012 12:02:08 am

Like Catie, I'm a big fan of incredible worldbuilding. I keep looking for that in my fantasy reads. And like Tatiana, I really don't like incest! That's one of the reasons why I didn't love Cassandra Clare's series. I also agree with Nomes, boredome really is a dealbreaker. :P Life's too short for us to read books that we're not enjoying! Sorry to hear that you're not into "Ghosts, mermaids, fairies, angels, vampires" anymore, Flann. I don't think I've gotten tired of those aspects as long as the book is written well.

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